This may on the surface look like a funny header. But, it’s a real issue…I did some work for a major marine engine manufacturer years ago.. Their main interest was getting the spouse of the boat nut to buy into boating, ALL the images shot of boats, had to include families and spouses..This is nothing new really..The image of boating is either one of a happy day out on the water with your family, or that you will make a family on one if you get a boat with a huge motor and bow..Sex, love, whatever you want to call it, have been a main stay of boating.. As one pal says, if the spouse is there when they are looking at a boat for sale, it’s a done deal… My wife says, I am making love to my boats out in the barn.. So with the up coming Warner Auction, many of us are making the trek up to St Paul.. Cash in our pockets… And with a weak promise of, oh don’t worry honey…I am going up there for the show…Now if this were a movie.. I would do a hard CUT.. and the next scene is you with a paddle bidding like you have billions in your account.. But that Roman Numeral Chris Craft is to much, and at $300,000 its a steal.. The good news is that you stopped bidding at $1,500.. But you did buy that Harley Davidson boat for $7,500.. And now what.. Jesus.. What have you done, you don’t even like motorcycles.. And now you own a boat with…Here are some simple strategies as starters to follow…

1. What in the hell were you thinking... Sorry, it had to be said.. And your spouse will say it eventually, AND several times by the way. So get used to it..

2. The Cop Out...Try and sell it on the way home..There is an eBay app for that now, and since you live a zillion miles away.. You can offer free delivery.

3.The At Least I am Not Dead Strategy…Call home and tell your spouse you don’t feel well.. That you feel faint and have been in bed at the hotel. That you are going to see a Dr today to make sure everything is all right.. The auction has one more day, and you will go by and just look…Now… a day later, you feel great! The Dr says you are healthy as an ox, and you bought a boat.. A cool Harley one of a kind boat…Your spouse will be so happy that you are not dead, she wont kill you…

4. The I am going to make a fortune call. This one is tough.. This may require some research.. Find out that a similar Harley boat sold for 25K.. It does not matter that yours is un restored and in pieces.. And the one that sold is a Tahoe show winner owned by the Harley family and came with a brand new bike.. Those are just details.. Tell your wife,, you just made this years Christmas gift money.. Only later when you spend next years Christmas money on the boat will she realize what an idiot you are.. again!

5. The It’s Got Your name on it move...This is a very common move and is a proven winner.. Normally reserved for restoration projects.. It’s usually good for about 20K is bottom work though.. But in an auction situation, will require some fast thinking. Woody Boater may have a sign painter on location, Give him your wife’s name, and bingo, you have a Riva with Tami Sue on it… It can even be aged, and no doubt everyone will back you up on this one.. .There is a code of the road…What gets bought on the side of the road.. Usually gets sold back on the side of the road..

6. The It was only 100 bucks lie! Now, this is a tough one. if you are lying to buy a boat, you need help… But, who are we to cast dispersions.. This requires having a secret stash.. The money you have set aside from all the buying and selling, you have done.. You are living a secret life. But you know that if you told her, that you had $15,000 sitting around it would have been turned into a sofa and wallpaper for the foyer.. So i suppose the problem is two sided

7. The We did it call. This is the best one. Boring yes.. But in the end the best… Tell your spouse before you go you are hoping for the best, that you have sold a ton of stuff for the event, and you plan on only spending X amount and stick to it. Call her and say, we did it. We got the 25 sportsman for just $25 bucks. And that you wont eat on the trip home to make up for it.. This one requires that you actually include your spouse in the details.. Refer to the other ideas if you blow it and by the Flat deck for $200K..

If any of you have some tried and true ones. Please comment away. We are all about creativity here..

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8 Responses to “How To Tell Your Spouse You Just Bought A Boat At An Auction..”
  1. Anonymous

    I have two favorites. The "I bought it with my friend, [insert name here], and only own half." Or, better yet, the "stealth" boat – or as one of my fellow boaters called her, the "mistress boat." This one does not exist and is kept at a secret marina. You can combine the two in case the latter doesn't work out quite right.

    Pumpkin

  2. Paul H.

    Well, I am a lucky guy. My wife actually likes the boats, loves to operate them (which she does better than most anyone I know) and is even fastidious about keeping them clean. She likes to come to the various shows we get to, and she wants to come to the auction with me. She'll probably fly the 1200 miles and I may drive, just in case somethinig has to come home!

    Now, whether her attending is to provide obstruction should I start bidding or to actually bid I am not sure. But – she likes to look at them and bidders or not, this will clearly be a great place to see a one of a kind assembly of craft.

    Kidding aside, it surely makes the hobby that much more fun when your spouse is so enthusiastic about it.

  3. Al Benton

    I don't know that complete honesty is possible when it comes to buying an old collectible boat. The idea is to come up with a story that she might actually believe. This one might work, once, just once though.
    "Honey, the boat was free, the engine, hardware, trailer and, oh, the tires are worth more than I paid for it. Look, they're bran-new tires!"

    It could only be true if the owner paid you $10,000.00 (or more) to haul it off.

  4. Anonymous

    Or just have two spouses, one for boating & one for everything else!

  5. Anonymous

    I don't have a good name for my move… but, tell her you bought the boat for more than you actually paid, for $50,000 lets say. Stay with me on this one… When she is done beating you, tell her Just Kidding, it was only $30,000! That will make the shock of spending way too much on the boat not quite as painful.

    -BigRed

  6. tom h.

    You can buy the boat, come home, start a wood boat
    blog and put your wife's picture in the header.
    I'm sure that works every time.
    tom

  7. Tom

    The best one I’ve seen was three guys in New York with a barn full of boats. When a new boat was brought home it always belonged to the other “guy”. Thy have been at this for years!!