The Century Guys organized a special surprise at the Woody Boater Lodge tonight, Hey these guys are cool after all… They call it – “Christmas in CenturyLand, every year, it’s like this, really…a new Coronado loaded with gifts….Merry Christmas…”

According to our interpid reporter Irving, when Matt Helm arrived at the Woody Boater Lodge this afternoon, he immediately noticed a young lady sunbathing in a small wooden boat, hidden away in the corner of the marina… She was hoping to get some privacy over there but… After all, Matt is a “Private Eye” (get it).

Later that night Matt Helm used all his manly “Bandolero Skills” and the next thing we know, they were together at the party… I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that Matt arrived in a classic Century Coronado with a big V-8?

They were spotted (by Irving) leaving the party a few hours later in Matt’s very cool, very rare Facel Vega sportscar… next stop Miami Beach, FLA…

More Century guy’s chiming in, this one from Mike Mayer – Kinda lame…. I know. I’ve actually been working today. And at my kids school making gingerbread houses…..Party appears to be going well……nice job.

Lock up your daughters and warn your wives… The Century Guy’s just arrived from up north… And they are thirsty, hungry and lookin’ for love… (in all the wrong places) With them and Matt Helm in the house, anything could happen! Somebody tell Alex to watch out…

The Celebrities are starting to roll in, or should I say fly-in… Jeff said – “Jeff and Chewy are on the way. We just made the Kessel run by boat in under 10 parsecs, beating the old record by 2 parsecs. The vessel is back in her hanger…er um boat house being refueled. Chewy has his partay beads on because he doesn’t know the difference between Christmas and Mardi Gras. He is a good side kick, but when he drinks, I can’t understand a damn word he says!” (a Wooden Wookiee…)

Don’t look now… But Matt Helm’s at the Woody Boater Lodge and according to Irving (and this spy shot) he’s looking for some Party Favors… Stay tuned.

It’s OK James, we are on the way to pick you up.. Woohooo.. Get out the hooks, were go’en swimming…

James and Caroline just sent us this update, they decided to take the ferry from the West Coast rather than bring “Perlita Too” around the horn, James commented – “Save me a small scotch; we’re on on our way, but encountering some rough weather…”

Paul and Karen just sent us this from Saskatchewan, Canada… “Paul and I are on our way to the virtual Xmas party. It’s slow going because of the fog! (The fog outside and the fog in our heads from the real Xmas party our company had last night. Pray we make it without incident! See you soon. Karen”


Jim Frechette just pulled up to the dock in his Red and White.. With a Christmas tree! “This is what happens when Texans go to New York for Christmas. It is really cold!! Note our new hats! Me and the elusive Cindy, my lovely wife. Merry Christmas!”

Fellow Woody Boater Richard chimed in today… – Matt & Texx, Love the site! Hey everybody. Looks like I may not make it. I’ve been leaving Hot Cocoa out in the shop every night for three years and the elves have not made much progress. Maybe Santa is above working on plywood? I’m starting to think maybe his sleigh is a Chris Craft. Now that I think of it, Joe (my one employee) is getting fatter so I think something is up. Maybe next year. I guess I’ll have to do the work myself. See you in Hessel this August!

Since it is a generic holiday party, I figured I would honor a holiday other than Christmas with this years decorated flora. Behold the Cinco de Mayo tree! – mfine (That’s one Fine tree…)

I hope I’m not too late!!! And yes it looks like summer, but really, it’s always sunny in Phil…………in Langley, BC! Merry Christmas Matt!!! – Tyson Konecny

A while ago we sent our Roving Reporter Irving in to town to pick up some more shrimp (who the heck is eating all the shrimp?) and he spotted Matt Helm in his Century Coronado driving across Lake Cyberspace towards the Woody Boater Lodge… It must be Happy Hour…

Has anyone seen my Towel, it was right here.. Come on this isnt funny..

Hows the party everyone? We just pulled in to Woodyboaterville, should be up at the lodge in an hour. Every motel in town is booked solid becuase of the party tonight, trying to find a Pontoon Boat for the night… – Texx

So I didn’t get the memo about boarding times and missed the Pan Am Clipper to the party from the West Coast. Driving my own truck there would be no fun at all, and my boats are all winterized. Cole is at school so he won’t mind if I take his Skeeto. I’ll only stay for one or twelve drinks and be home before he even knows it is missing. But at this point, I am thinking the virtual triple (with Liberty power) would have got me there a little faster. I am on my way. Save me a hot buttered rum. I will need it to warm up when I finally make it! Merry Christmas Woodyboaterville! Thank you, Brian Franchini

WoodyGal & ARRRGH! “Livin’ the Dream” on Grand Lake, OK… WooHooo!!

Sami & G-Ma (First Mate Karen) discussing ways to abandon me at the party and sneak away to the nearest Shopping Mall… Why else would the be grinning ear-to-ear? Well!!!… I’ll just head to the Bar and have Lilly fix me a Martini with an extra shot of chocolate syrup and drown my sorrows… (Ahhh, That’s better) – Al Benton

Well folks, I think it’s time to break out the ARRRGH! vintage wine, direct from Fort Meyers, Florida.

Matt/Texx – It’s great that you guys promote these “party from work” events. Maybe you should concoct some reason to do this every Friday… Being the first time at one of these things I don’t really understand the rules. Am I supposed to be drinking virtual Hot Buttered Rums? If so I messed up. Maybe I’ll get it right next time. Love the header !! Merry Christmas all and thank you Woodyboater for the party and all that you guys do. Thanks – Wes Yandt & Family Spokane, WA


The crew at Classic and Antique boats are on our way, we just passed our friend Alex. He was helping Paul H fill his gas tank… Merry Christmas to all. Tom


This one is in from Hamster our Secret Spy from the west coast

Matt – The whole Karlson Krew is headed to the party from Lake Okoboji in this gorgeous FIBERGLASS ARABIAN! Merry Christmas! – John Karlson

The buffalo chicken wings on a stick are done! Served with country
style Grey Poupon of course. – mfine

An XK-Rated Christmas
by: WoodyAlex

Matt & Texx – I got word from my old mentor, the late great Peter Henkel, St. Clair Flats Marina (Scripps Marine). My first taste of wooden boats. He showed up in his Chris-Craft Racing Runabout Red, White & Blue… (circa: 1977 St. Clair Flats, check out the hat!) Party On – Mark Edmondson

Hi Texx – Great party so far! Bryan and Kathy Rhodes try to get to the dock in their 1961 Shepherd before the virtual partygoers on board the Segwun (in the back ground) disembark on the Muskoka Lakes in Ontario.


Jim Staib of Fine Wood Boats, says he will be here soon, as long as he does not run into Hard Water.


The Riva guys and Don Ayers sent us a nice Card.. MARINARIVA & IL SUO STAFF AUGURANO UN FELICE ANNO NUOVO E “SERENA” NAVIGAZIONE (MARINARIVA & ITS STAFF WISH TO YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND “CLOUDLESS” BOATING)


Rabbit is on his way in his BIG WOODY..Dang.. That is very very cool..Yes, I like Rabbits Big Woody.. OK that did not come out right.. To much of the nog! Just say’n



From Chris at Hagerty Marine Insurance… For the record I don’t think this water craft is covered… “The Northern Mich. Contingent has cut our berg loose and are on our way, we do have an outboard attached”… But Chris no numbers on the hull…


Great party!! I brought an “adult” beverage for all…… Sorry Lilly, Happy Holidays To the WoodyBoater crew! Tom from Lancaster NY (Still no snow)


Thanks to Kathy Parker “Ho! Ho! Ho! cruisin’ in on Table Rock Lake where it’s always time to celebrate!”


Matt Fine is eating his way through the party trays..
The buffalo chicken wings on a stick are still cooking, but I picked up a few garbage plates for breakfast for the early attendees. Two cheeseburgers (no buns) over mac salad and home fries, with mustard and onions, and covered with a meat based hot sauce. The perfect way to winterize your arteries!


Marianne and I have just docked the Water Lily at the WoodyBoaterville marina and need some directions on how to get to the party. Merry Xmas and Happy Holidays to all from Michigan!
It’s easy Greg, just type in Woody Boaterville in your GPS.. We will see you soon! But honestly greg, it looks like better weather where you are..

Gayle and Bjorn are here.. And they brought there cool wood lamp shade..

ARRRGH! was the first to arrive for the party… He supplied the wine for happy hour, which starts at 12:00 EST PM.

WoodyGal – Geneva Lake 2011

Allen (By the way, what’s that in his case?)

Until Texx’s post on Wed. I didn’t realize that my 26’ CC Triple was Liberty powered, thanks Texx, SWEET ! Well after working out all day yesterday I got myself in shape and here is a picture of me launching the triple into Cyberspace Harbor. This is so WoodyGal will recognize me when I get to the party (she asked me to send a picture). If we meet at a future show I may be in disguise as a fat balding guy, but be assured it’s only a disguise. Thinking of dancing to finance my next restoration, those dollar bills add up. Hope I can also give a ride to that hot chick from yesterday’s video. – Rick

Charles Bingham and Frosty (or is that Alex?)

Allen Willey from Michigan brought his all original, one owner 1976 18′ Rally Cruiser I/O – Very nice!

Captain Grumpy (Randy Rush)

Captain Grumpy’s First Mate – Lee Rush

Captain Grumpy’s Princess – Alison Rush. (It’s OK, Alison is 18 now so she can go to the party..)

The Lake Hopatcong group, Bob, Alex, Seth, Wayne and both Don Ploetners are on the way!

What’s a party without a cute bartender? Lily, the “Master of Mixology”, will be serving up some of her favorites.

Performing a virtual toast to all WoodyBoaters. CHEERS!!

Who’s idea was it to offer non-alcoholic drinks to a bunch of boaters? BORING…

Her specialty, chocolate milk martinis (top-shelf, organic milk). Shaken, not stirred.

And as much as they tried, the guys from Wyoming just couldn’t quite get it together in time for the party…

Woody Boater Hessel Reporter Alex Watson reporting from the not-so-virtual Islander Pub in Hessel, MI.

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84 Responses to “1st Annual Woody Boater Virtual Holiday Party – OK It’s Time To Go Home Now… No.. Not On My Parents Bed.. Ohhh Man!”
  1. Rick

    Breakfast at the CyberLodge this morning. Eggs Benedict, ham AND bacon and a Bloody Mary. In cyberspace no worries about cholesterol, high BP or alcoholism! Let the partying begin.

      • Rick

        I must have a high metabolism because no matter how much I eat I always picture myself like this (just need to keep all the mirrors covered at home, and the light off).

  2. matt

    I am having flapjacks, thick bacon, and beer.. Then a burger, and fries, shake.. All before 10..

  3. RRG

    Im all about coming to the Woody Christmas party, and throwing down a few with you old folks…but if those damn plastic boats show up im outa here!

  4. Al Benton

    Bjorn & Gayle, I love the “wood Lamp Shade! Where on earth did you find that?

    Lilly, you’re doing a fine job at tending to the liquid refreshments for the party. I’ll have one of those fancy martitis myself, after I finish this special pot of coffee I brewed up just for this (it must be served in a Mason Jar).

    Hey, it’s early! The party will liven up once some of these organic juices kick in…

    • Bjorn B.

      My father-in-law made it. Just wait intill dark. It’ll light up showing nice grain, and when it warms up, a nice smell of varnish…. There is a bulb on the bottom too, like two “shades” on top of each other. Hey wait…. Pimp my woody… HID lights under the hatches and you can see the ribbon grain light up from the outside at night!

      • Al Benton

        Bjorn, can’t wait to see that wood shade glowing. That is awesome.

        May take more of a point source light to make a Woody Boat glow, how about a bare carbon ark lamp. No – wait, there’s gasoline down there.

  5. LILY

    How ’bout some apple juice, a splash of Gatorade and a lemon twist? I call it the “Hessel Hussle”

  6. Al Benton

    Well all I can say is that Daytime Soaps could have a comeback if they can bribe Alex & Mike into write for them.

    Fun entertainment while waiting for Lilly to find more chocolate sauce.

  7. Brian Robinson

    Surely the party planning committee has games and entertainment planned for later? 😉

  8. Texx

    We just received a request from mfine…

    I just spilled some cognac all over. Can one of you please ask the Riva girl if I can borrow her towel?

  9. LILY

    I just came up with a new drink – it’s called the ARABIAN.

    It’s just a plastic cup with pin holes the bottom.

    • Texx

      Im not sure what happened to the Century guys today, are they parked at the side of the lake with engine problems, and have no cell service to call US Boat, or…

      • m-fine

        If they are Centurys, the side of the lake they are most likely parked on is the bottom. There is no cell service down there.

  10. Texx

    If you are having trouble opening the story, you can click on the word COMMENTS.

    Fellow Woody Boater “RICKIO” just commented…

    Hey what’s going on in the back room? Are the Arabian guys having their own party? The door is locked and no comments can be made. I guess I’m on the B list. HA

    Rick

    • Rick

      AHHHH, comments are back. What were you guys doing back here? Thought maybe all the women were in here. I mean Alex has the video chic, WoodyGal is lookin pretty cozy with ARRRGH, WoodyBoatress is out looking under the bushes for Matt (he started drinking pretty early), half the crowd is looking for a towel and Captain Grumpy seems to be keeping a close eye on his clan. Hard to even get to the bar with everyone clamoring for a drink from Lily. I thought old moldy boats and varnish were irresistible to women.

  11. Alex

    LILY, is that plastic cup served with a paper bag over its head? Or in a “fine corinthian” cozy?

  12. LILY

    Here’s another…

    1 part Canadian Whiskey
    12 parts Water

    I call it the JONES

  13. m-fine

    Wooohoo comments are back! I picked up some wine and spirits since Lily’s drink selection seemed limited. I dropped them off with Matt, but they seem to have gone missing, and speaking of…has anyone seen Matt lately?

  14. matt

    Paul is on his way, but .. like you said.. Broken down in Montana.. Got hit by Santas Raindear..

  15. Bob Kays

    My son Alex wants to sell the Chris Craft and get a Riva. Today. Towels optional.

  16. Al Benton

    Brian, the waterline looks a bit challenged on that Skeeto. Not to worry, a couple of Hot Buttered Rums and you wont care if you swamp.

  17. Alex

    Nothing from anonymous’ brother either… This party needs to get in gear. Let’s get out of the hum-drum-vee and into the fun-vee. Where are those jello shots?

  18. Tyson K.

    Bloody cops! Check their pockets for the Jello shots!!

    I think Paul and Karen are bringing the Spinach Dip. MMmmmm, lookin forward to getting my dip on!

    • Texx

      Stay tuned, Irving noticed Matt Helm a few minutes ago at the party checking out the babes, but was waiting to snap a shot so not to scare him away…

  19. Al Benton

    Hey Chad, I think Lilly spiked the chocolate syrup. I’m getting a bit buzzed on the stuff (and luvin it). One more, Lilly!!!

  20. m-fine

    Oh No! I must have been a little out of control at the party today. I just got an email that my Chris Craft Antique Boat Club subscription has been cancelled!

    Does this mean…GASP…I need to get a Century?

    Oh have mercy!

  21. tommy holmes

    No worry, I have gassed up the Resorter and I’m on my way with Santa.
    I bringing my famous Swedish Meatballs, they will be the Big Ones in the Swedish dish near the punch bowl.
    All you CC boys are welcome to taste my Balls.

  22. mikem

    I’ve been working and volunteering at my son’s school…making gingerbread houses. It’s time to get my drink on now! C’mon Alex, lets make up and have drink together.

    Great movie, BTW!! I laughed until I cried…and then I just kept on crying and crying and crying.

    Mfine…those wings are awesome! Did you get them from Floyd’s? I love that place….

    Lily, although I usually appreciate kindergarten humor, your joke about the Arabian was not funny. You better knock it off or I’ll tell you a little secret about the big bearded man!

    Have fun everybody and remember not to get behind the wheel if you’ve had too much to drink! You probably shouldn’t post comments or make movies if you’ve had to much to drink either. Trust me on this one.

    • m-fine

      Wings came from the Pittsford Wegmans which happens to be the center of the food retail universe. After lunch I went to the wine store and picked up a 1868 Lafite and a case of Sauternes from Chateau d’Yquem for dessert but those and the Macallan 30 yr old scotch haven’t been served yet. I think Matt may have kept the good stuff for him and Texx.

  23. Texx

    Man, it took those guys a “Century” to get here… Now that they are finally here, what are we going to do with them Matt? Help!

  24. m-fine

    Oh crap! I forgot the name of the liquor store I got the wine at! LOL no wonder I got kicked out of the CCABC!

    • Texx

      Thanks for stopping by Ranger… Happy Holidays to you, Randy and your family!

  25. jnjwoody

    The Lyman Gang is here for the party – we are buying this round for all!! Stop by in the morning for Bloody Marys 🙂

  26. m-fine

    Good news! My wife showed up to keep me in line which means you will not have to hear me pound out drunken carols on the old Hammond organ tonight. Trust me, that is a good thing!

    • Al Benton

      Hey! What happened? where am I? What country am I in? Who turned out the lights? Why does my mustache taste like chocolate syrup? Why does my breath smell like spoiled milk? What the…. I’m in the closet! Hey, don’t lock me in!!!! HELP!!!

  27. chad

    Sorry for the late arrival. I had to put the bartender to sleep, she was all hopped-up on chocolate syrup.

    I’m breaking out the good liquor for my Chris Craft Crew.

    • Texx

      It was a great party today Chad, sorry you missed it… Like most good Christmas parties, everyone ate too much, drank too much, all the girls left and the party kind of fizzled out.

      When I left, there was still a few guys sitting at the bar, having a spirited debate about Centurys vs Chris-Crafts. I thought I heard someone snoring in the closet, could have been Al, not sure…

      There will be a few virtual hangovers tomorrow, but to our knowledge everyone arrived home or back to the virtual Copper Bronze Roof Inn safely.

      What a day!

      • chad

        What are you talking about? The party is just getting started. Steve Bunda just got here with some venison sausage and a case of Leinenkugel. We dragged AL out of the closet, washed off the vomit, and put another drink in his hand.

        One more and we got a euchre game.

        • Texx

          Great – I’m in… I’ll fire up the blender right now, its here somewhere…

          I’ll go wake up Staib at the motel, he won’t mind…

          • chad

            Staib and Frechette are outside starting a bonfire. Smells like burning plastic, must be another Century.

  28. chad

    Cousin Eddie won’t get here until midnight. He had to work 3rd shift.

    C’mon AL, Puke and rally!

    • Texx

      I think Jim Frechette is sleeping on board his Red & White again, making sure his bilge pump is working right. Somebody go out to the dock get him, he loves these late night Woody Boater parties…

  29. Brian Robinson

    I’ll stay up with Texx and Chad. Shelly is mad at me for drinking too much anyway…

  30. chad

    Tell Shelly to invite some of her friends. This place is starting to feel like a virtual sausage fest.

    ALEXX, break off another “berg” of Northern Michigan babes and float it our direction.

  31. Texx

    The moment Alex realizes there’s a fire, he will join us and offer to add some fuel to the fire… and the Century guys are gone now, so the coast is clear!

  32. mikem

    Century guys are here…..still. Yes, Brian, Nicole is looking awesome. Thanks for noticingl. Century guys are kicking ass and taking names.

    Alex…you still lost. No matter how much time and money you spend on your next movie. You lost. Loser. Merry Christmas.

    Woodygal…..I’ve still got a spot for you on my boat. Let’s go….mfine, can I get an order of “wings on a stick” to go?

    This was a great way to end the season. I’m just glad the virtual Donzi guys didn’t show up. Those guys I worry about!

  33. Texx

    What happens at the Woody Boater Lodge, Stays at the Woody Boater Lodge… I think. (gulp)