“The Damned Being Plunged into Hell” – Chapel of San Brizio, Duomo, Orvieto

We got this fun email from fellow Woody Boater Alex Watson, asking the obvious question.

You know, boating and Hell go back a long way together.  Here we have a detail from Michelangelo’s “Last Judgment.”  Charon, the Ferryman of Hades (god of the underworld in Greek Mythology), is bringing the dead across the River Styx to Hell.

Just as we people have our own individual pictures of Heaven — clouds, harp music, chocolate fountains, 72 virgins, 72 non-virgins — we have our own pictures of Hell.  After all, owning a classic boat (wooden or glass) has its, er, inky black moments at one time or another.  Restoration hell.  Maintenance hell.  Hell on a trailer.  Hell on the water.  Hell not being able to get on the water… Whats your hell?

Pontoon Boats! Only thing worse, would be a warehouse full of Jet skis!

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19 Responses to “Yesterday, Woody Boater Heavan, Today, Woody Boater Hell?”
  1. Rick

    It looks like they’re using pontoon boats instead of headstones there. What the hell?!

  2. Jim Staib

    My first hell would be having to ride on one of those pontoon boats instead of woody boating.
    Second hell is going out to check on the boat and finding tight lines going down in to the water.

  3. Alex

    Rick, you see headstones in that photo. I saw mummies. Come to think of it, they’re more like zombies as the damn things keep arising spring after spring!

    • Texx

      For me, that cool summer night in downtown Kalispell, Montana – the park bench was Hell and the new pontoon boat in the hotel parking lot was Heaven!

  4. mike k

    new sofas instead of 300bf of Philippine mahogany from ll johnson. (last sofa reference, i promise)

  5. RiverRat

    Hell is the list of things I have to go through before I get to go boating.

  6. Rabbit

    I love pontoon boats! They do the dirty work so woodies can live a more charmed life. They are a moving play pen and dog park. They put the lounge in dock. They’re ugly and proud of it. You can ram them into docks. More to come!

    • m-fine

      They are great for transporting boat lifts and sections of dock across the water.

  7. Alex

    Come to think of it, those pontoons also look like the boating equivalent of Stormtroopers. Or even more like the Clones in “Attack of the Clones.”

    Don’t tell my kids or they’ll want one.

    Strengstens verboten!

  8. m-fine

    If you want to know what woody hell is like, purchase a woody with a Buehler jet drive.

  9. Don Ayers

    Woody Boater Hell is trying to get 50-70 year old parts made again. Something that cost $1 costs $200 IF you can get a vendor to care enough to make it again.

    I’ve been working on my interior for 2 years…

  10. floyd r turbo

    Hell would be not having a bilge pump and not enough freeboard to get you back to the ramp. Or having a nice cruiser on a big lake broken down in the middle of nowhere with Barbra Streisand on board.

  11. Dick Dow

    … Babs singing “Memories” incessantly as you drift…

    I’m descending into my own “hell” today as I attempt to re-arrange my garage to get it to a state in which I can actually work on projects this winter.

    Matt, I thought that was 72 Virginians!

  12. Jay Wagner

    Rabbit hit the nail on the head,with his excellent description of pontoon boating. Yes they are ugly , but a triple tube with a 300 merc is quite the ride!

  13. Carl Garmhaus

    The original pontoon was a wooden log hollowed out with an outrigger

  14. Ralph Young

    Feeling better about the future! It appears that the only people in hell are the ones with six pack abs and well defined muscular bodies……….Yep, looks like an eternity on the streets of gold for this chub!

  15. Kevin

    We too had a pontoon boat as part of our fleet. Perfect for a huge group of friends to go out on for a party. Great for a date with plenty of room to, well, move around.

    And for the record, one can put enough people on board to sink it up to the decking…

    What memories!