Today’s topic is Old man sunglasses. Don’t. Just don’t. Apparently you would be caught dead in these, because you look like you are about to croak. Please! They are so bad, they make US ALL look bad. When you are out on your fun classic boat, everyone looks and says, wow what a cool….SCREETCH, look at that old geezer. They connect you and your sunglasses windshield thing you are wearing on your face ..wait….over your face….with cool classic boats. You kill the moment. By the way, we also would bet, you are wearing shorts, black socks and sensible shoes. That’s okay, its below the visible line.

What goes on below the visible line is up to you! Just make sure your sunglasses are cool!

Now imagine, babe one see’s you.. Lets say she is 60, and you 70, and you are out cruising, she is at the restaurant with her friends complaining about finding a “Man” and how long its been since.. well you get the idea. You drive up and she is thinking.. Mmmm, That’s the guy for me, I can see myself on that boat. Now about those sunglasses. if you are wearing a cool period set of Sunglasses, you complete the fantasy. And have those over the face things on.. SCREECH! Poof fantasy over. All she can imagine is changing your diaper!

Available all over the place. Under 10 Bucks. Ya, you spent a fortune on your boat, and yet! Under 10 bucks on your face

Please. Stop. You look like you are 150 years old with those things, have given up on everything, and sit in your front yard and hell at the kids for having fun. They are the pontoon boat of sunglasses, only worse. If there is such a thing. At least on a pontoon boat there is the off chance that someone of the opposite sex might find you interesting. vs these which happen to be literally the opposite of sex. Take those dork magnets and toss them in the trash. And for the record, we don’t care that they cut all the sun. There are options out there. If you are reading this, you know about google. Try it. Oh, and Happy labor Day. Get out there. Enjoy it while you can, we have all sorts of Spaghetti about to crush us!

If you just have to have a set of these glasses, they are only 7 bucks. And available on Amazon, ebay, and every drug store on the planet.  Even your Eye Dr will give you a pair to wear outside. They are useful, and make sense in an emergency, like you just had eye surgery after you got hit by one of Irma’s Spaghetti Noodles? The good news is that Fall is soon, and hopefully you will loose them with your car keys and wallet that you always loose! Click Here.

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14 Responses to “No, Just No, Stop Wearing These Dam Sunglasses.”
  1. m-fine

    No one wears those things around here. We have something called “clouds” to protect our eyes from the light.

  2. charley quimby

    Ray-Ban double gradient driving glasses with medium-sized aviator lenses and lightweight wire frames. The only way to go… CQ

    • Shep 22

      Once you have cataract surgery you won’t be sooo much against them—your eyes are very sensitive to light and they block sun coming from the sides.

  3. Texcritter

    First off, love the articles on Woodyboater. Second, I’m ashamed of y’all for not even mentioning the floods in Texas and the Cajun navy with their boats whether metal,glass or wood. Not even a word of encouragement. Then I see a whinning about spegetti all over the East coast really? I guess if you’re not from the North or the East no one else matters. Shame on you. Maybe you should rename yourself to “Snobbyboater”.

    • Matt

      Hit a nerve with the sunglasses, didnt I? There are some kids out on the street that just hit a baseball into your yard. Go!

  4. Steven Reichman

    I happen to agree with Texcritter! Matt, you and woodyboater could have joined up with any number of great, legitimate, worthwhile charities and made a terrific statement, done a good thing, and supported these poor people in Texas and Louisiana, including a large and active woodyboater community! I’m just sayin’

  5. Matt

    Hi Steven, thanks for chiming in. Your tone is more receivable and doesn’t make anyone defensive. Texxcritter likes to take jabs and I don’t like to respond. But clearly here we might have missed an opportunity to help as WoodyBoaters. And I did think about it and made an editorial choice too not. Here is why.
    1. For the record, I am very private about my donations to things. But since I am being taken to task here, as a family we did make a nice donation to the American Red Cross last week.
    2. We have close family in the Houston Area. The boatress’s family is all there. Mother, brother, aunts uncles… So we have been all over it. Calls, emails when possible and things are working. etc. I didn’t want to use that. There is nothing about the storm that I felt I could make entertaining. I try very hard to make WoodyBoater a bit of a bubble away from Politics and bad things. I think we can get overwhelmed with it all. It’s nice to have a 4 minute break and laugh about something classic boat related.
    3. We are all about classic boats. and if some guy was out there in his U22 we would have been all over it. Got a story?
    4. The news is so full of over drama and hype to scare us all. The spaghetti noodles seemed like a fun thing to calm folks nerves. After all I am in the bulls eye of it, or was. When a disaster hits me, I can have fun with it, since I am in it. We get a hurricane here about every two years. Its horrible. Yet, I try and see the humor in it.
    5. We make mistakes. Sometimes its just me at 4AM half asleep trying to decide what I am going to write about. We have been about two weeks behind in backlogged story ideas, and still some to go. Today was not a great readership day. Holidays and weekend holidays are very low readership.
    I could go on and on, but if we missed something, we are sorry. We try. And half the time when you try, you fail.

    • Texcritter

      It’s not about donations. It’s about recognition, thoughts and prayers. Saying ” Hey Texas, all of us at Woodyboater have you in our prayers ” I’m a person that’s direct and to the point. If I come on a little strong, well don’t take it that way. I’m here in the middle of this disaster and need prayers not snark humor.

    • Texcritter

      It’s not about donations. It’s about recognition, thoughts and prayers. Saying ” Hey Texas, all of us at Woodyboater have you in our prayers ” I’m a person that’s direct and to the point. If I come on a little strong, well don’t take it that way. I’m here in the middle of this disaster and we need prayers. During times like this we come together as a country and a boater community. Boats were the main source rescue. God bless Texas and Woodyboaterville. ✌

  6. Wudzgud

    Hey Matt, I never saw a comment about the Hurricane til now. I too have friends in Texas. They are all as well as they can be. I too sent money DIRECTLY to them that way I know where it went. Your reply was spot on. Keep up with the fun columns. You can’t please everyone all the time. This is just like politics.

  7. John Rothert

    I am with Matt….all the way…..help as individuals….have fun as a group…

    John in Va.