Screen grab from ebay

So in my never ending ebay stalking I clicked on one my search terms. “Classic Boats” And look what comes up as the first three samples. That’s right. Pontoon boats. WTF? I knew this would happen. It all started with that seemingly dumb over-site on the Brass Bell cover and now that infection has gone to an algorithm on Ebay. Next when you google classic boats, pontoon boats will be there and then, guess what. Its over. The term Classic boats will no longer define us. Poof, like many other terms that meant one thing back in the day and now take on a new meaning. And there is NO WAY IN HELL, I will be defined or labeled in the same breath as a dam beer can of a pontoon boat. Nope, not gonna do it.

Ground zero for the infection! Please join the CCABC and keep the blight of the Pontoon away!

Does this effect the ACBS? Does it now stand for The Antique And Pontoon Boat Society? It does now. And I am sure Paul will chime in here with some multi syllable words expouting how accepting pontoon boats is welcoming. And then the Classic Boat Apocalypse will have officially happened. The slippery slope of a definition will have run the term Classic Boats into the cesspool of ordinariness. See I can use multi syllable words as well. I cant spell them, but that’s just a detail.

They are being trained young. Wait? NOOOOO! I think we have lost Georgia..  “Propelled by his father, a man known only as “H,” Chris Smith (age 2) steers his cardboard boat ahead of Ella Turner, 3, who is propelled by her mother, Jenna. The “Chris-Craft” boat, despite being pontoon-styled, easily completed the race course without sinking, while Ella’s did not fare as well.”

So whats the solution? Well, the term classic is a timeless word defining anything that has stood through the chasm of flashy fads. So term is timeless and stands for certain things that have aged well. And to be fair, pontoon boats have started to do that. But it now competes with our passion in a sense. Are they in there? When you now say I am a classic boater, you are in a sense saying cool speed boats, yes, not trawlers, rowboats and most assuredly not pontoon boats. Is it time for a new term?

HELL YA! may we recommend the term.. Woody Boater! And so my world domination plan now starts to take shape. We now have an app, hats, shirts, FLAG, and one day. THE WORLD! The the water parts, and places that like boat houses.. With old family restaurants and bars. Just that part. And to think this all started with the Antique and Pontoon Boat Society dropping us!

We are Woody Boaters! We are strong, hear our fatheads roar!

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20 Responses to “Dear Ebay, What The Hell? You Are Destroying Classic Boating!”
  1. m-fine

    It is the Antique and Classic Pontoon Society. ACPS has no plans to merge with ACBS or WoddyBoater. The plan is to absorb and transform them.

    We are ACPS. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

  2. Dan T

    Did a Ebay boats search of “Woody Boater” and nothing came up. Better talk to your friends at Ebay and fix that.

  3. Eric Knox

    Hell, “paddle boards” are now officially “Vessels” according to the U. S. Coastguard….wonders never cease….

    • Kelly Wittenauer

      Ugh. That paves the way for regulation & taxation.

  4. Flash

    All I know is that if someone buys a $60,000 used pontoon over a classic 1969 Chris Craft Ski Boat for $12,000, they need to have their head examined.

  5. Mark in Ohio (sometimes da U. P.)

    How about this. Would this be a classic wooden pontoon boat. Or just a floating duck hunting lodge?

  6. Troy in ANE

    This is ALL the proof I need that “Classic Pontoon Boats” do exist!

    Classic PWC’s also!

  7. JFKarlson

    Absolutely horrifying header (no matter what Rabbit says). Sign of the apocalypse?

  8. Briant

    They will always be called “S**t-toons” in my book. (Rhymes with spit-toon) Hate em. Can’t stand em.

    Someone needs to go down into the bowels of Ebay and slap a few heads back into reality. Classic pontoon? Please.

  9. Floyd r turbo

    What about antique and classic bass boats? You must be all inclusive in the day and age and use the proper pronoun. I don’t know the proper pronoun but I’ve got a few adjectives and expletives to describe the situation.

  10. Horace

    Well, at least no stupid trawlers surfaced — classic or otherwise!

  11. Carla

    So many directions I could go with this discussion; however, still on vacation, thus looking forward to further chat at Tavares!
    Looking forward to seeing all my “classic” (classy) friends…