Yes, It’s The Oldest Joke In The Book, But..


I admit it, I am 53 years old and a good fart joke still makes ma laugh. Toilet humor and bad dumb jokes still bring a smile to my smacker. I am still 12 according to my wife by the way. One could say that it’s a “gay old time” when we all sit around smoking our “fags”. And nothing beats the old elementary school fave, “Your Epidermis is Showing” That one still works with the kids.. I also enjoyed, what word starts with F and ends with UCK? A belly whacker for sure. FIRETRUCK by the way…. So today, please pull out all your oldies. I am sure you have some. Remember this is a family site.. You get extra points if it’s related to classic boats. We will set aside a special place for all the Johnson jokes.

On Saturday afternoon at the ACBS International event in Geneva Lake we were hanging around the bar telling Johnson Jokes, then we spotted this Johnson sign in the Mecum Auction tent. As WoodyGal posed for the Johnson photo, all of a sudden the sign magically “Illuminated”… It was amazing!

38 replies
  1. chad
    chad says:

    I love my Johnson. It may be a little small, but it always starts right up after a few pulls. It’s like Magic – my Magic Johnson.

  2. The Central Scrutinizer
    The Central Scrutinizer says:

    When I was younger, my Johnson was a 2-stroke. Now at 51, it’s a reliable 4-stroke 🙂

  3. Phil
    Phil says:

    I loved the “a little more risqué” Johnson Son.wmv that shows up at the end of the video. It pretty much sums it all of the jokes for today!

  4. Pumpkin & ARRRGH!
    Pumpkin & ARRRGH! says:

    I am reminded of the Southern soldiers laying quietly behind a fence when a shot rang out. The Captain yelled, “Who farhed thet shot?”. Way down the line came the reply, “I fahred it!”

  5. Andy
    Andy says:

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.

    This proves once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

    -one of my personal favorites.

  6. Mark
    Mark says:

    Keeping with the Eskimo theme …..

    Why did the Eskimo wash his laundry in Tide ?

    Cause it was too cold out tide.

  7. Rick
    Rick says:

    Ok, we’re on Eskimo jokes now?

    An Eskimo is fishing through a hole in the ice. He sits by the hole with his fishing rod for over an hour, with no luck.
    After another hour, a huge booming voice calls down to him.


    The eskimo ignores this voice and carries on fishing. After a five minutes he hears the voice again saying;


    The eskimo looks around but can not see the source of the sound. He shouts,
    “Is that the voice of the lord?”
    The voice replies,


  8. matt
    matt says:

    Eskimo jokes! What the heck is that? I have never heard of Eskimo jokes.. And for gods sakes if there are any eskimo;s out there reading this.. Please chime in with fat old white guy jokes!

  9. Dick Dow
    Dick Dow says:

    OK Matt, you need to take this to the next level and load the John Reno “Big Ol Johnson” song… 🙂

  10. matt
    matt says:

    OK, maybe the eskimo jokes were all not that bad! HA.. Do you know what star trek and toilet paper have in common… They both circle Uranus in search of cling ons!

  11. Slats
    Slats says:

    Ole goes to the VFW every Friday to play bingo. One Friday he wins a toilet brush. The next Friday he goes and a friend asks him, “Hey Ole, how’s that new toilet brush of yours?” ole responds, “It works fine but I prefer toilet paper.”

  12. Rick
    Rick says:

    Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk. “Follow me son” the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did. “Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did. “Now we eat everybody.” And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?” His wise old father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”

  13. Mark
    Mark says:

    Three fat old white guys go out for a ride in their runabout. They hit a big wave and one of them falls out of the boat. The others stop and when he doesn’t surface right away get concerned so one of them jumps in and after feeling around a while brings the body up. They notice he is not breathing so one of them starts moth to mouth. He says to the other guy “I don’t remember his breath being this bad” to which the other guys replies” I don’t remember him wearing a snowmobile suit either”.

  14. brian
    brian says:

    ok, this is close to the “Johnson”…

    So this cowboy rides into Santa Fe salloon, bellies up to the bar, and says that he just witnessed a Mexican across the border who could tell the time of day by gently lifting a donkey’s, uh, jewels.

    Naturally, the bartender shrugs and another cowboy says that he is full of it. So the first cowboy gives the second all of the details and the second cowboy rides off to see this miracle. He returns a few days later, and tells the same tale to the bartender and others at the bar.

    Unconvinced, the first two cowboys, the bartender and a few others, jump on their horses and ride off to find this man.

    Eventually, they find the gentle Mexican old man who is taking a siesta under his sombrero. They wake him up and ask him the time. He proceeds to grab, gently I might add, the donkey by the hoo-hoos next to him and then after a bit of “weighing”, he says that it is 2:35.

    The group checks their watches and are shocked that he is indeed correct. Of course, they ask him how the heck he does that trick and the old Mexican guy grabs the donkey yet again, lifts a bit, points from under the hoo-hoo bag, and says, “Si Senor, you see dat clock over dare.”

  15. Scott Ales
    Scott Ales says:

    My dad and I walked into a truck stop bathroom after loading a dragline from a muddy field in the 70s. Like many truckstop bathrooms this particular one had showers. Since no one was around but us I went to the shower to rinse the mud off my boots. While washing his hands at the sink with his back to me my dad asked me what I was doing. Before I could answer some guy in a stall said, ” I’m taking a Sh-t what do you think I’m doing?” I haven’t laughed that hard since! You know how hard it is to NOT laugh when you want to. It just makes it worse. We ran out of the bathroom busting at the seams!

  16. RiverRat
    RiverRat says:

    I do not have a johnson. I use my evinrude for the small one that is loud and smelly or my suzuki that works when I need a bigger ride that is quite and does not stink. 2 verses 4 stroke. Depends on the situation. It is nice to have options when entertaining.

  17. Jack Schneiberg
    Jack Schneiberg says:

    I prefer to save my Johnson for more singular duties and that is why my outboards are powered by Mercury motors

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