Are You A Serial Killer? Take The Test, You May Be Shocked At Your Answer.
Yes, for the record we know you’re not out killing people and putting them into your freezer. Unless you really are, in which case we are just talking about your boat issue, not the human one. But, for the sake of having some fun today, it dawned on us that the same behavior can consume us in many ways. Like Classic Boating!
OK, follow me here. It’s been said that Serial killers start at a young age. Like killing small animals and such. We started also at a young age with a small boat, maybe even playing in the tub or toy. Then things escalate to a larger boat, or killing a neighbor. It’s really the same thing-ish!
Now, and here is when it gets more alike. You get tired of your simple boat, you need a more interesting one, or in other words, Kill two strangers. OK, still with me here, then you decide you want two classic boats. It’s the same sickness.
Now, you start trying to have the boats be in a theme. Like all pre war or just barrel backs, etc. Or like only killing middle aged men that write stories like this. YIKES! Any way, that’s your thing. Then you really go deep into it all and start writing daily clues to entice others into your sickness. And you start thinking that owning 6 boats is normal. OK, wait, this is starting to get mixed up? Hold on, I need to go look into my freezer.
Phew, OK, that’s not a Torso.
So are you a serial killer in a classic boating kind of way? Really? Take this Test! If you answer yes to 2 of these. Well, you already know the answer!
- Do you have more than 1 Classic Boat?
- Have you had more than 2 Classic Boats?
- Do you have “Souvenirs”/ “Trophies” around from your previous boats?
- Do you read WoodyBoater once a week?
- Do you belong to ACBS and the CCABC at the same time?
- Have you gone to more than one boat show in a year?
- Do you have a boat part in your house? Look around, it’s there.
- Do you look in peoples barns in the hope of finding a boat, not a vintage Porsche?
- Have you purchased a boat and after a day, wondered how did that boat wind up in my garage?
- Do you have boats in other peoples storage areas? Have you forgotten that you do? Think hard.
OK, these are pretty simple questions. Be honest. Like many things in life, the differences between us are thin. So next time you meet a serial killer, maybe offer him or her a ride in your boat. Think of all the lives you will save!
I’d like to speak to a lawyer…
Guilty! Contact me if you need lessons or training.
Oh boy. I’m dead. I even used to own an old Porsche.
I think most serial killers are men with questions about their sexuality, and they usually target female victims, often strippers/dancers/prostitutes or others they associate with sexuality or promiscuity. I think I am safe on those counts. Plus I never put the bodies in the freezer, I feed them to the pigs to make bacon.
I’ll just plead the Fifth.
And six boats is not normal. There are seven days in the week.
And for the record I only have one boat item in the house.
The world is not safe for old boats! You..we…are all sick! HA.. I spit out my coffee several times this morning. 6 boats 7 days.. HAAAAA And I no longer want Bacon this morning.
If you score 10 out of 10 what does that make you?
What about question 11? Do you or your wife paint boat images on your walls or hang pictures/paintings of you and your boats on your walls.
I prefer to think of myself as a Boataholic. That does not usually end in 30 to life.
Again what is the level if you have a painting your wife did hanging on your wall of you with a 5 decade family boat in someone else’s barn?
Yikes, and I have long lense photos of boat lusts as well. OH boy. Matt The Stripper? OK, thats sounds wrong, Matt The Varnisher?
Uh-oh, guilty on all counts. Fortunately my first mate is more into these boats than even me…and that’s a lot. As soon as I finish one she asks ‘what’s next?’ with eager anticipation. What a good woman. So, does that make us serial team-killers? I really don’t care, we’re saving history and having fun in the process.
What model is the pic of the Century? Looks fiberglass hull, with a wood windshield. Do tell the details!
There are few female serial killers. But I have a feeling there are lots of lady boat owners out there?
Well im in rehab at the moment with ONLY 2 boats. But I do have my fair share of trophies around my house, burtnt boat transoms, group photos of boats with people that I claim are my family.
Yes to all but 9. It started with building rafts in the local swamp in the first grade, bringing frogs and garden snakes home. It then moved to “I have two feet, one for each foot”! Next it was save the planet, err boat, it is a piece of family history.
Dang, off to Costco today, no bacon in the freezer!
But it’s not my fault, I didn’t stand a chance. This side mounting steering wheel was off my uncle’s old boat and mounted on the fence around my sandbox almost 60 years ago
And this wreck anchor is missing a tune so it has to be used as decoration.
Does 103 Feet of Lyman count?
RiverBoat you’re obviously a VERY dangerous man.
RiverRat. I hate autocorrect!
Only two, but both cruisers. Whole different level of crazy.
What are you classified as if you have more than 10 and a house full of old boat artifacts?
It’s easy to tell when there was no good topic for any given day.
Usually Matt the Varnisher saves any good stories for the weekdays where traffic is much higher. It seems many readers have better things to do on the weekends, but find browsing WoodyBoater to be more enjoyable than their day jobs.
I see an episode of Law and Order coming. Or Murder She Wrote. ” The Woody Boater Killer” the only clues are varnish stains and bits of bacon.
Yes – …and your point is??? 😉
Uh oh, am I in trouble?
My dad was a serial killer… that explains a lot!
Matt this is the weirdest story to date. Interesting but very weird.
Well If it were vehicles instead of boats I’d have to say yes to all of them but I’ll have to admit I really do miss that boat I had first these vehicles though they give me a thrill but nothing like the great thrill & satisfaction that my 1st boat ever did…
I’m behind fiberglass bars for life. Help me!
I am NOT GUILTY!!! I have no connection to item number 10….so I am a normal going boating guy!
John in Va.