My Varnish Coffee Store Concept


Its a thing

For the next three days I am working from 6AM until 7PM on location.. Ugh.. I am thinking of bagging all my work and moving to a small lake and opening a coffee shop on the water. You can come by boat and get a cup brought to you. Maybe a boat threw lane. What could go wrong with that?

Hello ladies

You can get Varnish Coffee, by the ounce can. Maybe some 40 weight special coffee. It gets smoother the warmer it is. We can serve it in Oil cans. You can walk in and just say, Filler up! Reg, or Extra. I can mix in some cream. We can call it , Head Gasketing your coffee. By the way, all your cups leak. Part of the experience.

Everyone like Kapok Kakes HEY, you want a photo of a bisquet? Didnt think so..


We will offer up some morning bisquets called Kapok Kakes. Maybe some warm donuts chocolate O rings mmmm. You get the drift. If you are a Sons Of Varnish Member you get a discount and free parking. I have a rough idea there will always be parking. And will need to work up a membership.. Forget that.. just come on by.


Maybe for lunch we offer up fun drinks and sandwiches. Like a Non Ethanol drink. It wont clog up your arteries. And you can order a flathead sandwich . It’s a stack of bologna between a block of bread and cheese and a thin slice on top, Maybe some olives stuck in the top like spark plugs. Mmmm Like me a Flathead sandwich with some hot roast beef with some 30 weight oil and spices.

We will get you home


Then at night. Beer and burgers. Nothing fancy. We can tow you home so you don’t drive drunk. After all its not over til you have to be towed back. Thats my dream this morning at 4AM before I go work. by tonight I will be numb and tomorrows story will be even crazier..


25 replies
  1. m-fine
    m-fine says:

    I don’t drink coffee and I didn’t see any bacon on the menu so, I may skip this one for a more traditional diner.

  2. Bilge Rat
    Bilge Rat says:

    You’ve put a lot of thought into this.

    Maybe you could convince the Boatress to wear one of those old style Hazel waitress uniforms with the hat. Classic!

  3. Danny B
    Danny B says:

    Maybe if someone (like me) wants lots of cream and sugar they get it “Water In The Oil Style”. Or maybe that’s the name of the chocolate shake on the lunch and dinner menu…

  4. Patrick L.W.
    Patrick L.W. says:

    I’m with Fine – without scrambled lines and bilge bacon I’m skipping breakfast. But if ms. Kapok is serving I’ll stop by later for some Kettering cocktails.

  5. Kevin Fitzke
    Kevin Fitzke says:

    Refills are called “Tune-ups”….

    The coffee grinder should be powered by a flathead….

    Little wrenches for stir sticks….

    Beer could be dispensed through the exhaust ports/straight pipes of an old racing flathead with the bartender using the carburetor as the tap handle…..

    Maybe random oil slicks on the floor….

    The lighting would be pretty dim in the place (All 6 volt bulbs)…..

    The “juke box” would just an engine in the corner that people could pay a dollar to just start and rev up…..

  6. Miles Kapper
    Miles Kapper says:

    Once upon a time in the early to mid 1950’s there was a little general store on the other side of the lake. When my dad asked my older brother Howard and I (ages 7 and 4) if we would like to help him get gas for our 2 horse Evinrude we knew it was secret code to get ice cream. The three of us would trek across the lake to fill the one gallon gas tank and of course get ice cream sandwiches. It was a tiny store but managed to have anything you could need. In the back they worked on old outboards and we would marvel at all of them while munching on our ice cream. Eventually dad would say “okay boys, time to get back”. We would pile into the boat and head back to the cottage. Thanks for the memories.

  7. mahoganymadness
    mahoganymadness says:

    Speaking of coffee Matt are you going to bring back the original style of the coffee varnish mug..I’m down to 1

  8. Ducraft
    Ducraft says:

    You guys just do not have the Ohio River taste. Backwater Craig’s Creek Tini. Vodka, Kalua, Baileys with a floater of boiled sticks and model car tire. Great party starter! Fun has started…

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