The Boatress Is Watching A Whole Lotta Murder Shows, Should I Be Concerned?


mmmm. What is she watching all the time?

I have noticed when I am home sitting with the love of my life, the Boatress, that she loves to watch those Murder shows on cable channels. Lately more and more. Now, this may be a coincidence to the Trawler Christmas gift thing. Or it could be? And just guessing here, that I found a nice 17 Cavalier I love.

Time capsule 1958. And a real charmer.. Dry as a bone.

Just sayn.. I mean 5 Wood boats is normal..right? But watching hours of Murder Porn?

Now, so you know, that is the Urban Dictionary term for those shows. It’s not what you think. But my question is? Or I guess my point is.

If for some reason I wind up dead. Please refer back to all those shows, and make sure she isn’t just shopping for ways to off me! Which I secretly suspect she is. Check the pink left over antifreeze in the barn BTW.. That seems to be a theme. Also please refer back to my Instructions For My Funeral story.

It’s a fun read, and in the comments even my children defy me. I did revise the story so I wouldn’t wind up in a dumpster like my dear son pointed out.  HERE I am to be in WECATCHEM’s special drawer. But I am trying to avoid all that. Just say’n.

It was too cold for the barn. So I restored her on the porch

AND TOMORROW!  If you are still reading, I decided to go out to the barn and completely restore stinky!  It was too cold though, so moved to the family room. What? Hey if I am going out, I am doing it in style. Yup. In one day. Flipped the darn racer with two 5 gallon Buckets? How? Its genus! Tune in tomorrow, it will all make sense. Like anything today does. I so need a boat ride! All that dam Th-ahhh did was build a false sense of joy. Just one more ride until I am poisoned with bleach.

26 replies
  1. Capt. Cranky
    Capt. Cranky says:

    If she suggests a “long ride out to the country” run! It may not mean what it used to! And check the truck of her car for a shovel!

    • steve in the woods
      steve in the woods says:

      Wow, Jim…a B-27 target! Thought Clinton banned those as racist. Only one I still have, received as birthday present from a “friend”. My Boatress had filled the private area full of .38 holes! Scary group….

  2. Mark
    Mark says:


    Plotting the perfect murder takes time you know. I would say you probably have at least a few more months before she gets through enough episodes and has the plan down pat.

    I also saw her at the range and she did pretty good with a 9MM at 20 yards.

  3. MIKE
    MIKE says:

    If she brings home old red lead paint and old couprinol LOOK OUT!!….I can see the title now for the show “MURDER IN THE BILGE” OR “DEATH IN A SPORTSMAN”

  4. Rick
    Rick says:

    Maybe it’s not too many boats but 1 too many wives? It’d be a shame if her foot got tangled in an anchor line. Just saying.

  5. Mike K
    Mike K says:

    i think your ok with the pink stuff, if she recommends you change to the green stuff, scoot! and dont use the trawler as you getaway!

  6. m-fine
    m-fine says:

    Well, all good things must come to an end. We are going to miss you Matt, but as long as you have a succession plan in place for WoodyBoater, we will survive as a community to keep your memory alive.

    P.S. Don’t drink the coffee. Or the wine. Or…

  7. Dan T
    Dan T says:

    That Cavalier sure is one sweet little boat! If the price was right, I’d buy it in a heart beat. Just remind you wife of the vows,“ for better or for worse, in sickness and in health”. Skip “til death do us part” Now go buy that Cavalier!

    • Matt
      Matt says:

      its a 1958 Time capsule. KB engine that runs like a top, no leaks in the boat. I need a knock around fun boat.

      • Dan T
        Dan T says:

        The old Cavaliers are so under rated, probably because their made out of plywood. But their just really well made and so practical from a maintenance standpoint. To find one so original that haven’t been all buggered up is rare. You’ll need a knock around tender for the cruiser. Perfect! Just clean her up and don’t do the Katz’s thing.

      • Jim Staib
        Jim Staib says:

        Knock around fun boat or some place (1958 only) to put your ashes. And you will never know if it is a 100pt. or just a fun boat. Leave a note where the boatress or your executor can buy it.

  8. RiverRat
    RiverRat says:

    She should cut down the ventilation while you varnishing and you would gently go to sleep while having your favorite aroma therapy. The perfect cover.

  9. Dick Dow
    Dick Dow says:

    …I think the time to be really aware is after the trawler is repainted and up-to-snuff and she suggests a long cruise, just the two of you…;)

  10. Briant
    Briant says:

    Matt, I think you’re safe until springtime…as someone has to shovel the snow off of the walkway and second, it is extremely difficult to get a body to sink when there is a lot of ice in the river. If you wake up dead at least the water will feel a bit warmer…and she will have all summer and perhaps even the fall to be worry free….until you rise up in the turbulent waters of next winter….and by then, she’ll be on Lake Como….

  11. Wudzgud
    Wudzgud says:

    Be proactive.
    Change the will tomorrow. She gets Nada, Zip!
    Make the Woodyboater community your Beneficiaries.
    Texx, Troy and M-fine can be the executors.
    That will change her tune!

  12. John Rothert
    John Rothert says:

    I have had several girlfriends that were a bigger threat than the Boatress……send her my way….keep the trawler though….

    And DO get the Cav.

    Just use my math…like I have a 1921 restored Old town Charles River canoe..that is technically NOT a wooden boat…or even a boat really….so all is good. Rock on.
    John in Va.

    • m-fine
      m-fine says:

      Technically the trawler is a trawler, not a boat. The landing craft is definitely NOT another boat. Stinky is glasses over so not a wood boat and like wise, the cavalier is plywood which doesn’t count. By my count, Matt only owns one boat, Wecatchem.

  13. Beanieincecil
    Beanieincecil says:

    Jeez, I’m going to have to support my fellow girl here! Poor Boatress is just watching TV! Some of you guys are so mean.

  14. Matt
    Matt says:

    Oh, SHIP! She always wants me to go fishing! BTW, who ever mentioned the lead paint thing watches more of this then she does. HA. I hadnt even thought of that one? And to think all I have worried about is being blown up by a fuel leak. How silly of me.

  15. Alex
    Alex says:

    Fight fire with fire. Buy assault weapons and a surplus Sherman tank. Start wearing camo and face paint. (I’d keep the keys to the tank, and the guns locked up though.)

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