Don’t Be A Douche – A Good Old Fashion Rant.

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I am writing this for you to send to someone that you may know that is “Wake Challenged”. You can share it on Facebook, there are a lot of Douche’s their. Okay if you are a Facebook  Douche now reading this now. Turn around from time to time to see if your large ass wake is gonna cause problems with others. You know, the other people on the planet other than you. YOU DOUCHE


See, when you  are out on a Summers Eve and zip around close to other boats, or your wake might just swell its way to a shore, be careful. Wait, enough being nice. HEY DOUCHE BAG! SLOW THE F&^# DOWN. That’s my varnish job you are gonna trash. And the last thing I need to do is go all Canadian on my boat.

just say’n

Oh, and you little twerps in Jet Skis.. Ya, YOU! When you hit puberty, you may realize that you are not the center of the universe and YOU ARE A JR DOUCHE. Don’t be a Jr Douche.

One of my Faves! Right down the creek from me! We do not have wake zones here. Don’t want them.

Mr Big Ego little Weenie yacht man. REALLY? Do you know the size of that wake you are creating? No, cause your banana hammock speedo suit, with your fat greasy body flopping over it, is cutting off your blood supply to your brain. Tell your 20 year old wife to remind you.

Mr on the phone. Get off the phone and pay attention. You get to get out on your boat so few times a year, why waste it yacking on your dam phone. They will wait. By the way if you are talking to someone on their phone while on a boat, please tell them SLOW DOWN DOUCHE! Text them..

So, there ya have it, I feel better now, I wanted to get that bad juju out of my system before I went boating in Florida.. Which reminds me, your left blinker is on! I SAID YOUR BLINKER IS ON! Douche!

16 replies
  1. Rick
    Rick says:

    All true but an awful lot of rant for a relaxing Sunday morning. A lot of anger stored in there. Deep cleansing breaths. Don’t worry soon you’ll find that talent you’re looking to hire at SG and there will be less stress for you. So go out and sit in Sweet Pea before this next storm hits, grab your coffee varnish mug with some mulled wine, pet the dogs and think happy thoughts. Soon enough it will be summer with those SOBs rocking the docks with their wakes.

  2. Tparsons56
    Tparsons56 says:

    One of the “Catch 22’s” of our hobby is that our boats draw attention. While we like people to admire our boats it also means many eyes are on you when you dock (Oh Lord – please don’t let me slam the dock at this crowded waterside restaurant!).
    Another down side is large cruisers loaded with people who slow down and come closer to get a look at “the old boat” without ever looking at the massive wake they put up. Twice I have had to turn my bow into the wake so not to get rolled and have the wake completely go over the bow, windshield and front seat. Not fun.
    Yes – we all need to be mindful of the wakes we put out.

    • Briant
      Briant says:

      I get the dock thing… funny story….

      We went to a lake which is popular with those damn wake board boats. As we pulled into the moaring docks, two guys on the docks with their beer in hand, saw us coming in, put down their beer, and gently caught us, and held the boat until we secured the lines and all. They just saw the wood and went all crazy…even though our boat was only bought for $4500. Of course they wanted the story of her which I did. Didn’t need their help, but it was all nice of them.

      So about half way thru the history story…they spot a dude in a $80,000 wake board boat coming in too hot. They paused, took a swig of beer, and then virtually together said, “that dumb son of a bi$tch is gonna slam the dock.”

      Which he did. Badly.

      The moral of the story is this…folks saw the woody, were in awe, and helped. And they then saw a rich jackass in a run of the mill plastic boat, and left him to screw it all up.

  3. Mark
    Mark says:

    This is spot on and long overdue. Well played Matt !

    Our local show has a slow parade around the lake and this year Captain Dueshbag decided to punch it out of line. My bow kept plunging down and my passengers were freiken out. Not doing that again.

    • Dennis Mykols
      Dennis Mykols says:

      Mark, I agree, a nice boat parade is one of my favorite things to do until the dueshbag all decide that staying single file is not for them. THEN all hell breaks out with so many cross wakes that the nice parade cruise is nothing but a rock n roll experience, )and it’s the wrong kind of rock n’ roll mind you!)
      So many times at the captain’s meeting the request to stay single file is made but falls on deaf ears.
      The secret, be the leader of the parade or the first couple of boats, this seems to cut down on the chances or the rock n’ roll…

    • Rick
      Rick says:

      A couple of years ago we brought Panther down to St Michaels for a wonderful show. One of the local members brought my wife and I on board for a group planned sightseeing tour. After a very short time the boats broke formation and the ride became very rough. Don’t know if being knocked around did it but the engine soon wouldn’t throttle up to normal cruising speed. Our host apologised that we needed to head back and of course we understood completely being glad just for the opportunity to be out there. Other than that great show in a great location. Stay in line people.

  4. Dennis Mykols
    Dennis Mykols says:

    Speaking of cross wakes, one of the worst experiences boating recently, was our cruise to the Old Club from the Algonac show site one Sunday morning in our Lyman. We left late and got in the back half of a 30 boat group, that ran 20 to 25 mph, and with that Lyman rounded chine, we rolled so bad, I had to slow way down, which made it worst, because we dropped way back, with just more boat wakes. Made for a long 10-mile cruise…
    Now you know why I sold Lyman Tyme after two summers.

  5. Dennis Mykols
    Dennis Mykols says:

    That picture Matt used to show a nice big wake, just happens to be my current boat, a 1995 Century Coronado, one of the BEST riding boats I ever owned.
    That picture was taken at about 10 to 13 m.p.h. just a nice putzin speed.

  6. Dan T
    Dan T says:

    Wakes can certainly be an annoyance, but the sound of a jet ski deserves its own rant. Those things make such a Awful Noise!


    In the late 1940s, when I was a youngster, our cottage, on Harsens Island, MI, was on a canal which ran between the North and South channels of the St. Clair River. Speed limit was 5 MPH, which was violated often, but most boaters (all woodies back then) checked their speed when politely admonished. However, there was one guy, in a Chris Craft, who came through several times, and just would not heed my Dad’s demand to slow down. Unfortunately, for him, he came thru again, when Dad was having a beer. Dad yelled. Boat didn’t slow down. Beer bottle was thrown . Windshield was shattered. Boat slowed down.
    Strangely enough, a fight didn’t ensue, but that guy went thru slowly after that.

  8. Mahoganymadness
    Mahoganymadness says:

    Like I told my wife the last time I came in….Honey grab me the file that jet ski just took the edge off my cutwater…

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