You Can Have A Relationship With A Classic Boat! Yes, That Kind!

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The happy Couple! – Photo Eric Fraizier

Yesterday we touched on the subject that classic boats on the misconception that classic boats are high maintenance. One thing said sparked a thought. I suppose all boats require maintenance, but newer generic boats of course are usually purchased by generic people, that of course want a one way relationship with there boat. Or are like parents of latch key kids. They don’t want to think about it, or even really care about it. It’s more about being a boat to party, fish or do stuff on the water. Which is fine.


Phil met her on the internet! They had a long distance relationship!

But with a classic boat you can actual have a relationship. See, it’s like this, a classic boat will tell you in various ways it wants you to pay attention to her,. Needy? No, just in a conversation way. Maybe its a dull finish, or a little cough when cold, or a runny intake? All these little things are just the boat having a two way relationship with you. After all you talk to her while you are out on the water. A new boat just flicks on  a light and you take it to the dealer and they make the light go away. With the classic boat, you may end up spending an afternoon with her in the boat house, loving each other while you caress her soft interior. Checking her fluids, and trying to turn her on. Messing with her spark, and polishing her knobs. All this before your wife arrives for a ride. But you know….you know, you are secretly getting that three way you have dreamed about your whole life and never pulled it off.


Hey, we are not the first to go there!

Yup, I went there, and if you are a gal who is reading, just change her to he? Or whatever, its all cool here, After all we are talking about boat love here! Now just a second here before you wonder if I have lost it…There is actually a point here. You we’re in a strange way able to relate.  But thinking about this with a new boat, and   EWW! That’s Gross.


Undress her! – Photo Eric Fraizer

And there ya have it! now go out into the barn and undress that Woody Goddess and talk to her, tell her you miss her, and that you should see each other this winter. Maybe tease her about her bottom? Wait, no that doesn’t work? And for gods sake if she asks if Bronze Hard Bottom Paint makes her bottom look fat? just change the subject!

19 replies
  1. Dan T
    Dan T says:

    Mr.WoodyBoater, you certainly do have a way with woody boat words. Hilarious and over the top boat love, but on the other hand so true when it comes to our woody boat relationships. Total infatuation that defies all logic.

  2. Mark
    Mark says:

    Matt – does this mean your three will be with “Stinky” ? Doesn’t sound very appealing but maybe that is how you ride.

    Makes you want to think differently about naming your boat …..

  3. Troy in ANE
    Troy in ANE says:

    After spending the last few weekends “getting to know” my newest fiber-glassic (WOW, she has a lot of systems on her), I would conclude that this kind of relationship exists with all sorts of boats, and there are those who will just take their boats to the shop and never get intimate with her, regardless of age or construction.

    And to think I leave for the St. Johns and Dora in just 97 days.

  4. Chug-A-Lug
    Chug-A-Lug says:

    I talk to my new boat every day!Since it’s a homebuilt one,guess that’s special too.We often dream(the boat and I)about all the adventures we’ll go on when I launch her in the lake.

  5. John Rothert
    John Rothert says:

    Troy!!! The owner of American Beauty went for THAT Clorox Bottle? I am seriously worried about you son.
    Hell, you got me to ride in a plastic boat on Dora last year and I am still itchy! Oh well….doing the Dora countdown myself.
    Plan to bring a molded ply boat….and some would say that is not real wood…..
    At least that beast is too big for theTavares trip….
    Happy Holidays! Hope Santa does not punish you for going over to the dark side.
    John in Va.

    • Troy in ANE
      Troy in ANE says:

      Wait one minute there Cappi. Am I reading this from the guy who gave away a Chris-Craft Sea Skiff for a fiberglass Scout. Isn’t the grass calling the algae green?

      • Troy in ANE
        Troy in ANE says:

        OH and that itch you are talking about is probably adrenaline left over from going across the lake at 40 MPH not 6 knots.

      • John Rothert
        John Rothert says:

        did not GIVE AWAY my seastrake ….got a buck for her!

        and the itch might also have come from the fact that AT the aforesaid 40 mph….YOU were swigging from a bottle….if not much…..
        I am going to bring a whirlwind to Tavares this year no matter what…and you all can ride with me! 30 mph tops.
        Happy Holidays!
        best to Sandi
        Going boating……J in VA

  6. Brian "realist" Flaherty
    Brian "realist" Flaherty says:

    Is no one ever going to talk about one more major factor in why 20-30 somethings aren’t buying boats at all?!?! We touched on the cost factor the other day, with how young folks just don’t have the flexible income to afford a boat, but we try to convince them that classics are much more attainable for less money… But what about tow rigs?

    Most 20-30 somethings these days are driving Prii, or some other subcompact go-cart, trying to keep from spending all their play money at the gas pump. What kind of boat are you going to tow with a Prius? So not only does someone have to buy a boat, now they also have to get a vehicle to tow it with. Plus if they live in a suburb they probably do not have garage or driveway space to store a boat and additional vehicle which means someone has to give up their gas sipping Prius and drive the tow rig every day!

    Furthermore, if you actually read the GVW, towing capacity, rules many boats are asking for trouble if they ever have an accident while towing their boat! I am presently dealing with a project at work where a customer wants a 25′ boat but also wants to tow it with his Chevy Colorado (max trailer weight 7700 lbs)… Well if you follow the rules, this means the trailer must have a GVW of less than 7700 lbs. Our 25′ boat is 6290 lbs, the trailer to carry it weighs 1600 lbs, for a total weight of 7890! So now he either has to go down to a 24′ boat or buy a new truck! BUT, and this is huge, his insurance company won’t cover him towing our 24′ boat/trailer package cause the GVW on that trailer is 8500 lbs, which exceeds his 7700 limit!

    How many of our WB friends are towing their U22s with their crossover SUV that has a towing capacity of 5000 lbs??

    • Kevin F
      Kevin F says:

      I used to tow my U-22 with a Bravada back when I first bought it (25 years ago). It had a tow rating of 5500lbs. I used it up and down the California mountains without a problem. It had a single axle trailer that was much lighter than my current twin axle custom trailer. Now I have to buy a $25k truck to tow my $5500 trailer….

      • Brian "realist" Flaherty
        Brian "realist" Flaherty says:

        There in lies the trouble for potential new boaters… “I want to buy this $1500 fiberglassic, but in order to use it I have to go out and buy a $10,000 truck!”

        I have seen friends tow some questionable trailer packages without any problems, and maybe that just what people do. But if you do have a problem, most insurance companies will immediately look at GVW ratings and your boat/trailer is over capacity for your tow vehicle they will often refuse to cover you!

  7. Briant
    Briant says:

    It is actually worse. Our boat and trailer is only 2400 lbs. and we have been looking at smaller SUVs like a Kia Sorento, in order to get a decent towing rating and an economic hauler….and those damn things are over $25,000. Due to the sloping rear end, to make them stylish, the capacity for camping gear in the back is dismal as well. 99% of the smaller SUVs are the same. Buy a truck you say….yeah, for four people and a canopy to get the camping gear dry and safe from theft and a decent tow capacity….another $30,000 for that set up. My parents used a station wagon which did it all,….daily driver, and boat hauler with room for the gear. The only thing that comes close to that is a new Volvo wagon, with a tow capacity of 4400 lbs, but with a $40,000 price tag. The manufacturers simply do not make something affordable that truly lives the outdoor lifestyle, even though they try to sell it up that way….

  8. floyd r turbo
    floyd r turbo says:

    If you’re going to buy a vintage boat why wouldn’t you want a vintage tow vehicle or at least an older vehicle that has the desired tow rating priced according to your affordability?

    • Bruce
      Bruce says:

      I agree, just make sure your classic insurance carrier will stand behind you if something happens to either. I had to wrestle that coverage out of mine.

  9. Glenn
    Glenn says:

    Entry level doesn’t mean towing 8,000lbs. Here’s my intro woody + trailer running somewhere just over 1000lb. No problems towing that around… and it does (just barely) fit in the garage 🙂

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